lol yeah respectful boundaries. I was commenting to Zazzle the other day that what the poor Kandas really have to put up with is the fact that if you give Alma an inch he will take a mile and then keep taking miles if you let him get away with all this mile-taking.
Alma doesn't tend to think much about splurging about feelings other than IT IS SO NICE TO GET ALL OF THIS OFF MY CHEST. He LIKES talking about feelings and throwing feelings out there and being emotionally open and emotionally grandiose.
That said in this case he is getting super mixed messages. YOU ARE MY MIXED MESSAGE BUDDY. "I don't know if what I feel is romance?" "A-and if that's the case that's okay" "OH GOOD /Puts Alma in mouth". MIXED MESSAGES, YUU, mostly of course because Yuu's own feelings are obviously mixed and he's acting on them. All of them. In their mixed up glory. (I love it).
He's trying not to be forceful while at the same time he enjoys taking the iniative and Kanda seems to enjoy that too yet also he doesn't want Kanda to feel like he's strongarming things to go a certain way yet he is also really bad at sitting back and waiting when there are FEELINGS TO ACHIEVE. So Alma too is sort of winging it a lot.
ON A RELATED NOTE he actually tends to assume the Kandas separate "Alma" and "that woman", mostly because he's afraid of that. I mean, of course he's afraid of that -- he was miserable and awful all over when trying to make Kanda kill him because he was trying to achieve a result he didn't want -- both making Kanda Kill him and making Kanda separate the two of them in his head. It's just that he didn't think there was a better solution! He was terrified that if Kanda realized they were the same person he'd get rejected completely because he assumed Kanda would reject her too.
Knowing that Kanda didn't do that didn't make the fear go away so much as convert into something else -- he's scared that having accepted them both, Kanda will keep them separate anyway and react to them as if they're two different people. While a totally reasonable approach, for Alma it's a fear because to himself, they're one person. He doesn't separate her and himself as two different "people"; at most he separates themas two different sets of experience which ran back to back. As far as people and persons and personality goes, she is him and he is her, and his differences in behavior and modes of thought are, to him, just because of the experiences he lived as Alma and with amnesia, just a personality development through events in his life. If he didn't think that way, trying to have Kanda kill Alma so that "that woman" would always be important would never be "keeping Yuu forever" to Alma; in order for it to be a way to keep Kanda, instead of losing him to her, Alma has to genuinely identify as her. The separation isn't something he really wants, it's something that makes him miserable, but it's what he thought was the only thing left. So the fact that it's a fear stays with him in terms of thinking that the Kandas don't really understand that he's not a separate person with the same memories of being that woman that Kanda vaguely recalls, but that that person isn't separate, that their life is the same and their brain is the same and her soul is his soul too. Just as "I can die so he keeps loving me because he doesn't know or believe that I'm me" was a thought, the same core exists in "He loves me, but he doesn't really believe that I'm me".
Which is more a fear than a reality! He has accused Guillotine of not getting it a few times and had it rebuffed, but he doesn't believe Guillotine's "I know you're the same". He just doesn't buy it! Because he's afraid to buy it and then be proven wrong. So Alma is actually not looking too hard into the mixed messages because he's scared of what he'll see, which is part of why he's not actually calling Kanda on it or addressing it -- he alternates generally between backing away from the painful fears and sort of bull-charging right into them, so that may well switch up, but there is that atm.
Tell me about Kanda's feelings about the recent thing with Lenalee!
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Alma doesn't tend to think much about splurging about feelings other than IT IS SO NICE TO GET ALL OF THIS OFF MY CHEST. He LIKES talking about feelings and throwing feelings out there and being emotionally open and emotionally grandiose.
That said in this case he is getting super mixed messages. YOU ARE MY MIXED MESSAGE BUDDY. "I don't know if what I feel is romance?" "A-and if that's the case that's okay" "OH GOOD /Puts Alma in mouth". MIXED MESSAGES, YUU, mostly of course because Yuu's own feelings are obviously mixed and he's acting on them. All of them. In their mixed up glory. (I love it).
He's trying not to be forceful while at the same time he enjoys taking the iniative and Kanda seems to enjoy that too yet also he doesn't want Kanda to feel like he's strongarming things to go a certain way yet he is also really bad at sitting back and waiting when there are FEELINGS TO ACHIEVE. So Alma too is sort of winging it a lot.
ON A RELATED NOTE he actually tends to assume the Kandas separate "Alma" and "that woman", mostly because he's afraid of that. I mean, of course he's afraid of that -- he was miserable and awful all over when trying to make Kanda kill him because he was trying to achieve a result he didn't want -- both making Kanda Kill him and making Kanda separate the two of them in his head. It's just that he didn't think there was a better solution! He was terrified that if Kanda realized they were the same person he'd get rejected completely because he assumed Kanda would reject her too.
Knowing that Kanda didn't do that didn't make the fear go away so much as convert into something else -- he's scared that having accepted them both, Kanda will keep them separate anyway and react to them as if they're two different people. While a totally reasonable approach, for Alma it's a fear because to himself, they're one person. He doesn't separate her and himself as two different "people"; at most he separates themas two different sets of experience which ran back to back. As far as people and persons and personality goes, she is him and he is her, and his differences in behavior and modes of thought are, to him, just because of the experiences he lived as Alma and with amnesia, just a personality development through events in his life. If he didn't think that way, trying to have Kanda kill Alma so that "that woman" would always be important would never be "keeping Yuu forever" to Alma; in order for it to be a way to keep Kanda, instead of losing him to her, Alma has to genuinely identify as her. The separation isn't something he really wants, it's something that makes him miserable, but it's what he thought was the only thing left. So the fact that it's a fear stays with him in terms of thinking that the Kandas don't really understand that he's not a separate person with the same memories of being that woman that Kanda vaguely recalls, but that that person isn't separate, that their life is the same and their brain is the same and her soul is his soul too. Just as "I can die so he keeps loving me because he doesn't know or believe that I'm me" was a thought, the same core exists in "He loves me, but he doesn't really believe that I'm me".
Which is more a fear than a reality! He has accused Guillotine of not getting it a few times and had it rebuffed, but he doesn't believe Guillotine's "I know you're the same". He just doesn't buy it! Because he's afraid to buy it and then be proven wrong. So Alma is actually not looking too hard into the mixed messages because he's scared of what he'll see, which is part of why he's not actually calling Kanda on it or addressing it -- he alternates generally between backing away from the painful fears and sort of bull-charging right into them, so that may well switch up, but there is that atm.
Tell me about Kanda's feelings about the recent thing with Lenalee!