Question Meme: Return of the Question Meme

[imaginemeandyuu]

LOOKS LIKE IT IS TIME FOR A QUESTION MEME AGAIN

for Alma and, if you want, Ur'ghaste /o/ Or just me as a RPer. Whatever I'm easy.

(Goin' to lunch, will start answering when I'm back)

Comments

[imaginemeandyuu]

I would never tell you that!! HOW RUDE WOULD THAT BE. (Unless it just slips out.)

Oh god.

Alma has thought a LOT about what he'd do if there was a second Alma. Because it's not something you can be in d.gray cast and avoid thinking about, I think, especially when you're friends with two Allens and living with two Kandas and two Lenalees. And he does not like the conclusions he's come to at ALL.

See the thing is from talking to the different pairs of everyone he knows he's more or less come to the conclusion that reality splits and different realities come into existence based on these splits. For a lot of them it was things like "the option for Sabra came up and they took it", but because Lenalee 1 is from so early in her timeline compared to Lenalee 2 and died in a situation that, although Alma doesn't know anything about it, it's clear Lenalee 2 lived through, he's thinking that a lot of times it's the "live or die" choices that split reality -- or at least, those are the ones you can tell in Thusia as it's dead people central here, he acknowledges that it might split elsewhere and you only find out from ones who later die.

So then he looks back at his life and he finds himself questioning all the points in his life someone else could have come from. What if he'd started hallucinating instead of Yuu and was put down? What if he had managed to escape with Yuu in the canal and he died under different circumstances? What if he hadn't self-destructed and run out of life after -- what if Allen and Kanda had got to him sooner?

And the trouble is that Alma, as he is as "Alma", has never had a success in his life in the things he tries to do. As much as he makes bad decisions, he also has terrible luck. His life is a tragedy! It was written to be one, I mean. So he tells the scientists about Kanda's hallucinations without knowing they'll try to put him down. He tries to break Kanda out and gets caught by the crow, and Kanda still doesn't escape. He tries to double suicide to teach the Order not to do this to anyone again and fails at that. He fails at getting killed and instead is left in an awful coma for so long. After, he fails to separate his "selves" in Kanda's view, and he fails at surviving when Kanda decides to live with him.

So when he looks at his life with a critical eye, at the various decision points, he can't help but think that any Alma who came here would be objectively speaking better than him. Had made better decisions. Had better luck. Had lived a fuller life. Had been successful at something in his life. And he can't help but be horribly jealous of that. All the things he hates himself for, all the guilt he bears, all the anger in his heart, that other Alma may somehow have got out of it. If Alma became an Exorcist it would have to be around situations where either his and Kanda's situations were reversed and it wasn't "Alma", or he'd managed to get through that and save Kanda and not hate the Order, or at least somewhere along the line not screw up as badly as he did. If it's an Alma who died at any of the times Alma had wanted to, it would be an Alma who had control over at least his own death. etc etc. He doesn't want to be that person but is terrified he would be -- jealous and angry and focusing all his self-hate on this person who got out of it even a little, while still feeling this other Alma deserves all the good things Alma's since earned in Thusia much more than he himself does.

And then he found out from Watson that alternate selves can come from vastly different timelines and realized that even if it was long ago, Alma as "that woman" could show up here, without any of Alma's own failed life experience on top of it, nothing but purely that woman Kanda has looked for this whole time, and he is terrified of that too.

I WOULD LOVE TO PLAY WITH ANOTHER ALMA. ICly, though, Alma is completely terrified of the very real possibility and how he might react.

WHAT IF THERE WAS A SECOND RABI other than him being a handsome cad.

Similarly what if there was a Bookman

[anopenbook]

He would probably...be friendly but keep it at that. Not seek him out, not seek friendship, none of that. Play nice when they're around each other but he'd attempt to keep it a very shallow interaction. Red is so out of sorts as it is already and his reaction to that is to push away and distance himself. And he kind of DISLIKES how he was. He looks back on who he was and what was he really? Bookman loved him sure but he also used him, put him through things he shouldn't have had to deal with as a kid, brought him up in this weird way and he bought into it. He was a phony.

HE REALLY DOESN'T WANNA BE FACE TO FACE WITH THAT.

Added in the whole. Stuff with Mirror where another him is just. Euugghhh. And while he would know NO SILLY that's not her. There would always be that kneejerk UGH to it.

As for Bookman. JUST SHAME. SO MUCH SHAME. He'd be so afraid of what Bookman would say. He's changed, he has all the feels and is even worse at hiding them than before. But Bookman would not approve and he's just not able to handle that disapproval right now. BOOKMAN DEPENDING ON HOW PLAYED WOULD POSSIBLY KILL RED INSIDE HILARIOUSLY

What would be Alma's favorite Disney movie.

[imaginemeandyuu]

sdfo oh Red

Probably Tangled! Rapunzel as a character would really appeal to him and there's just key moments in the film which would resonate with him hard -- the question of "just using or is there fondness there" with mother Gothel (I mean unlike Gothel it's pretty undeniable Edgar etc really genuinely cared about Kanda and Alma, but not enough to change things for them -- they were always subjects first, and the guilt of that is something Alma deals with a lot. Constantly). That moment when Rapunzel put her feet down on the ground for the first time and realized she was free. The realization of who she really was, that she'd forgotten who she really was, and the shock and realization of betrayal that went along with that. There's just a lot of moments in that film where Alma would really feel along with it and he'd get really emotionally tangled up in it as a result, probably more than the others (like he'd like the others but I don't think they'd speak to him the same way).

Red's desert island top 5 reading choices.

[anopenbook]

GOSH uhm this is hard to not go into my own personal tastes.

One would be the bible, the second would be a big complete edition of Grimm's fairy tales. Third would probably be an anthology of short stories. Fourth would be an Old Sabra Cepheus book on the history of Cepheus.

Fifth would be a survival guide.

Alma on Sabra?

[imaginemeandyuu]

Alma is curious about Sabra but reluctant to pry too hard from a lot of people. He has stopped a few people (Guillotine, Allen) and asked for some information. He's trying not to form an opinion without all the facts, to be honest. One of the first things he heard from Gokudera was "It's probably at least as bad as anything you experienced back home" and he had to bite his kneejerk I REALLY DOUBT THAT because, you know, what if it was! That's terrible. He can't judge! If one world can have experiences that terrible, another surely can too. So he pushed down on his disbelief and just set out to try to learn more as best he could without prying wounds open. So beyond that his opinions aren't too strong -- except that it sounds like a "nice offer gone horribly, horribly wrong" and he has a lot of sympathy for anyone who went through that.

How is Red feeling about GIRLFRIEND?