imaginemeandyuu | Question Meme: Return of the Question Meme

Entry tags:

ooc,
shut up haru

Question Meme: Return of the Question Meme

LOOKS LIKE IT IS TIME FOR A QUESTION MEME AGAIN

for Alma and, if you want, Ur'ghaste /o/ Or just me as a RPer. Whatever I'm easy.

(Goin' to lunch, will start answering when I'm back)

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Sup!

WHAT KIND OF IMPACT WILL DAY 27 HAVE ON ALMA errything we know that/will likely happen that day.

Also Alma are you making any friends outside Kandas and Allen.

I WANT TO KNOW IF THERE ARE ANY DISCREPANCIES IN THE RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN THE TWO ALLENS 8U or if alma notes any differences, compare/contrast for the 2 i guess??

or relationshp meme if there isn't much difference :x

S'UP

Alma likes Lucky quite a bit! He thinks she's kind of crazy and in your face but she is also open about that and her driving self-interest and really he feels that in a lot of ways she's a lot of fun as a result. Because it's not like she's hiding these things so she just sort of -- self-presents and if you are fine with that then awesome! Which he obviously is. (It helps that while it's not hard to hurt his feelings, it's hard to do so in a way that he cares about; it's hard to really offend him, at least partially because once you've had Yuu in your life everything has to get put into perspective of "you will always be criticized and WHATEVER SHUT UP YUU"). He really feels warm and fuzzy about her opening up to tell him personal things, especially because she made it clear they were private. So far he has just flat out enjoyed hanging out with Lucky and wants to do more of it.

Also he ships Lucky/Haruto. Woot woot go get each other you two /o/~~

BACK AT YOU.

Are we bros yet.

Day 27 Alma's notes to self
* AAAAAAAAA OMG //////////
* No seriously though be more sensitive of Lenalee jeez how would I feel if someone ended up taking Oldest Friend privileges? I would feel murderous. That's how I'd feel
* Aaaaaaaaaaa?! Aaaaaaaaaaa!!! ///////////////
* Why does everyone hate talking about their feelings IDGI
* HGNNNNGGGG ////
* Okay also and be less overt about listening at doors. BALANCE, BALANCE.

- Alma doesn't really absorb 'personal lessons' very well and he's not super sensitive, but he is very empathic. So the whole thing with talking with Lenalee, then talking with Kanda and cuddling, then Lenalee having feelings that ALma overhears, he's going to want to try to be more inclusive of her. Not, er, in romance or anything, but just -- generally. The whole reason he sent Kanda in to apologize was that he worried that she was going to feel excluded by the way Kanda was talking to her, and listening in on them made him realize how much. Obviously I don't know how that conversation will go yet but that is his goal, to try to listen and be more sensitive to it. Whether that affects his behavior is hard to say, because Alma isn't someone who changes his behavior easily.

- Sleeping with Guillotine //////// won't really affect too much tbh because the UST between them has been so thick that this is kind of a progression of something that it's had a lot of drive towards rather than anything too shocking. It WOULD have if he was still nervous/unsure while going forward, but Guillotine snapped him out of that into manic the first time he sassed Alma. When Alma's in a mania he just sort of goes with whatever gets good reactions and so he's kind of riding his way through it on a high. that said it probably did/does provoke some introspection, and given that with all the backthreading I ended up not playing him on day 28,it's fair to assume he spent a while wandering/finding relatively private places to stop and think. Mostly I thin he's going to be concerned about not making them jealous of each other and not making assumptions on Kanda just because of how things went with Guil.

- Getting caught spying: No change. Just try to spy better, self ;P On that note Alma doesn't really have much of a concept of "privacy" -- this came up when talkign with Zexion, but he's been raised entirely on a "self-reporting" system under the scientists, and especially his time when he was the *only* awake subject at the time, which means that he lacks a sense of personal boundaries. The one thing he *couldn't* talk about there was what hurt him emotionally/his resentment toward the order -- he could talk about everything but that, but of course talking about THAT would have no sympathy, just "well it's tough but we NEED to torture you like this, you're NEEDED in this war" (obv paraphrased, but that's the attitude they were raised with). And then of course he spent nine years with no autonomy and his body as an experimental ground. And then having to hide himself to make Kanda kill him. From here he's ended up in a place where on the one hand, HE CAN TALK ABOUT HIS FEELINGS, all of them, freely, like he wants to, so he's lost the restrictions without regaining a sense of privacy. That said, he's been FACED by other people's desire for privacy, but he doesn't understand it, so he sort of "guesses" at it. He's been trying to respect others' boundaries a little, mostly by not talking about his and Kanda's past when other people ask him not to, but it actually hurts his feelings when that happens (the few times it's come up has been them wanting to respect Kanda's privacy, but to Alma it comes at the expense of being able to vent his feelings/talk about things that are a Big Deal to him, so he can't help but acknowledge "Oh, of course, Yuu comes first -- they're Yuu's friends). He's just very bad at it. Also he's a stalker at heart. I guess.

HE IS MAKING FRIENDS like Haruto and Gazelle, and he likes Nova and Lucky and Shiki and so on though he wouldn't call them friends yet. But while he's careful with the term, he's meeting a lot of people he likes and wants to get to know better.

WHAT DOES KANDA THINK ABOUT ALL THE RECENT FEELINGS TALK?

Alma do you love me

He's closer to your Allen than Zazzle's Allen! Not through personality stuff but just how they've interacted so far. Which might seem hilarious given EVIL ALLEN and all but he's seen your Allen confronted with doing things he can't bear in himself and been able to sit down and just. Try to help him with that, and that means a lot to Alma! Other than that, there aren't major discrepencies towards how Alma feels towards them -- Allen in both cases is someone who saved the one thing for Alma which he wanted but thought could never be saved, his friendship with Kanda. He made it so Alma could die in private, with Yuu there with him, and knowing he'd never be used again. These two things basically mean that Allen has given more to Alma than anyone has ever done before, like. PUT TOGETHER. Everything anyone else has done, all added up, does not amount to a fraction of what Allen gave Alma. So in both cases, Allen is the one person Alma can completely trust with -- anything. Allen saw everything in him and loved him and helped him and worked against him to save him. He trusts both Allens far more than himself, or anyone else, and has complete faith in Allen's care for him. That is genuinely unshakeable. It's not that he puts Allen on a pedestal -- he also knows Allen is human and flawed and guilty and scared. But he has a complete first hand experience of being at the head of Allen trying to save someone and as far as Alma is concerned, he succeeded. So as far as that side of Allen is concerned, it doesn't need a pedestal -- Alma knows what Allen wants and is willing to do for people. Like he said when your Allen was upset over almost using his control over Akuma to blow Alma up, he's like. Yes but Allen that proves how much that would normally be anathema to you. With Allen he finds it impossible to see the surface level risk or things like that because he's been way too embedded in the flow of Allen's motivations and desperation.

ANYWAY so. On that level it's similar or the same because even though he didn't know Allen well at all he started from a position of Allen fucking going down with that ship. He didn't develop into trust through slow working up to it, he had Allen refuse to let him do what he wanted to do and shove that trust right onto him, so he's got it -- which is a good thing but means that the "early stage" of their relationship is one of incredible devotion and gratitude and trust! For both of them.

But! He sees them separately in the same way that he sees the Yuus separately -- that these "were" one person who branched. As I said before, this isn't a hard idea for him to grasp because of how his own brain. Is. Because the current Alma can exist! (I wish I had better terms because he doesn't view past Alma as "past" but "current", but a "current person whose experiences were forged in the past"). The current Alma exists because of the experiences he had -- of being amnesiac, of being raised in a lab, of being forced to synchronize, of being lonely, of being a wild child, of having to pursue Kanda. So he views Allens. They both were the same person, but since then, they have had different experiences, and that will affect them even while they are both still undeniably the person who is Allen Walker. That's how Alma views them.

He wants to be friends with "both" of them and wants to get close to both of them and views this as a separate endeavor, as a result. It's not like you can transfer that. Even if their motives are the same, he tells both he wants to be their friend because he can't just assume that since one said yes the other would, even if he had faith that would be so. He wants to understand them well, but views that as an even more separate endeavour because their experiences are different. And he's closer to yours because he's gone further on trying to understand your Allen and because they've worked more together and shared more together. IF THAT. MAKES SENSE.

He loves you Allen.

Please tell me Allen's feelings on Alma these days :3

(RANDOM ICON, LET US SEE WHAT I GET)

~~You could cut the UST with a knife~~ LET ME START BY SAYING ALMA IS REALLY GOOD AT SPLURGING FEELINGS AT KANDA UNTIL HE GETS HIT BY A CLUE BY FOUR. Like, it's pretty impressive because he's taking expected development and REALLY SPEEDING IT UP.

SO WHAT KANDA TOOK FROM THAT CONVERSATION was that he and Alma feel very similarly, and that his concern that he would be lesser and left behind in favor of Guil was really just paranoid and unfounded because HE WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO ALMA EVER and he and Alma haven't had what they used to for a long time and he was still attached to him and needy and clingy and loving.

So that jealousy that was developing from watching Alma's relationship with Guil is disappointing again! He's confident not in his feelings yet, but in the stability of their relationship.

HOWEVER he is still going to be kind competitive/mimicky of things he sees related to Guil, because he is still confused on his feelings and sometimes wants that and sometimes doesn't care and Alma's still mentally broken up into That Person and Alma so those feelings don't consolidate SO HE JUST DOES WHATEVER FEELS RIGHT FOR THE MOMENT. And Kanda's not an affectionate person, generally, but he is more a person of action than words and he loves Alma more than anything so he indulges him more than he would most others (Lenalee I think could get away with more but she gives him respectful boundaries, so).

But obviously Kanda is affection-dumb so a lot of what he's doing is Monkey See Monkey Do. It's mostly repeating back what Alma's done to him and what he's seen with Guil. Which is still going to happen! It's just not so fueled by jealousy and clinginess anymore and more confusion and curiosity.

GIVE ME THE REVERSE.

We bros man.

Alma wouldn't be foolish enough to call them close friends, but he likes Red -- he likes Red's company, he likes Red's attitude, and he cares about Red's feelings. He went running to Allen about Red feeling lonely not because he wanted to tattle or go spread Red's feelings around anywhere but because he doesn't feel like he can fix that, but being lonely is the worst feeling ever, especially for outgoing people, and he thought Allen might be able to at least help that as Red's much closer friend. So it really comes down to "he likes Red, he worries about Red, he wants to help Red".

His "read" of Red's personality isn't really like his own as much as they joke about it so much as a mix of his own and Kanda's, actually. And part of that is taking what he knows and applying it, but mostly it's just that while Red is like him in terms of having a lot of feelings and being chatty and open and fun, he also notices that Red gets very defensive (in his own way) of talking about feelings and throws up walls about them, and avoids touching other people's feelings whenever he can help it, which are traits he considers some of Kanda's core traits (more than the grouchiness, honestly, he considers the tendency to self-protect a Kanda trait). So on the one hand he feels like he can understand Red's personality because a lot of his traits fall into things Alma knows and gets, and on the other he doesn't overidentify with Red, if that makes sense.

He really wants to get to know Red better. He's actually going to steer the conversation they're currently having to prod to find out how much Red knows about him because of the Karoline and Alice story, even though he believes this will put Red into a position of FEELINGS VS DISTANCE though. Because to him getting close to someone is also sharing yourself, not just having fun. BECAUSE ALMA AND FEELINGS.

Back at you are we bros

DO YOU MEAN LENALEE YOU ...

Lucky warmed up to Alma weirdly fast. There were a lot of factors there, ranging from morbid curiosity to honestly enjoying hanging out with him. In particular, she finds him non-threatening on an emotional basis, kinda like "it's entirely possible this weird boyfriendpetthing of Guillotine's will wig out and upchuck spears at me someday, but he sure isn't gonna hurt my feelings." Which is sort of the opposite of most of her friends, where she trusts them with her life but definitely not her feels.

...Gosh all I can think re: Excel/Haruto is how much both of them are WAY more open and honest with Alma than each other. gj guys.

And she definitely ships Alma/Guillotine 'cause wth that's hilarious.

What's some cool stuff you wanna do?

YES I'M JUST TOO LAZY TO SWITCH JOURNALS

Hiiiii~

Hey Alma hey.

OKAY BECAUSE I WAS GOING TO SAY I LIKE YOU MUPPET AND ALL BUT--!

Alma likes Persephone, but to some extent he actually is trying to hold some of himself back around her. Not because she and Guillotine were close, but because he feels like she made her priorities clear -- if she heard anything about Kanda's past, it'd be from Kanda, not him, and she didn't want to hear it from Alma. Only to Alma, all of his current self is built up from a past that is completely entwined with Kanda's, so to do what she said she wanted, he has to avoid talking about himself, where he's coming from, why he feels that way. And since she outright said it, and he wants to try to force himself to respect her friendship with Kanda, he's trying for it, but that means he feels like he can't reveal anything about himself around her. So while he's not lying, and not going to keep himself from saying things like "when we were young" or "the scientists" or "the lab" or even "who I used to be", he's also trying to check himself a lot more, and an Alma who's watching what he's saying is one who is putting a very deliberate front up and not being honest. He's been a lot more fakey around her since that moment.

That doesn't mean he doesn't want to get to know her better. He does! He likes her personality and he has a lot of sympathy for her situation and he'd like to just talk to her and get to know her, but he feels like he shouldn't talk to her about himself or let her get to know him, in essence.

Back at you!

WE BROS. He likes Alma's personality, he likes how honest he is, how much he is into the things he is into, all that. Alma is just so wholeheartedly ALMA. And that's something he appreciates it people, even when it often frustrates him too for some.

He's just nice to talk to. And its really nice sometimes to have someone who isn't Sabra and isn't like. Another Exorcist. To just talk to. AND I ADMIT Red likes that they are kinda friends but Alma knows like very little of his own dirty laundry. It makes him feel normal! He can mostly present himself as just a guy. Not that guy who got murdered a lot in games or that asshole exorcist who was the annoying one. WE'RE JUST TWO CHEERFUL DUDES GOSSIPING ABOUT ACQUAINTANCES. BEING FRIENDLY AND SUNNY LIKE A SPRING DAY. YEAH.

So yeah just. Likes the guy, likes their friendly but not overly deep friendship.

Also he'd become hilariously insulted in Alma told him he reminded him of Kanda in any way whatsoever. :')

What if there was a SECOND ALMA

lol yeah respectful boundaries. I was commenting to Zazzle the other day that what the poor Kandas really have to put up with is the fact that if you give Alma an inch he will take a mile and then keep taking miles if you let him get away with all this mile-taking.

Alma doesn't tend to think much about splurging about feelings other than IT IS SO NICE TO GET ALL OF THIS OFF MY CHEST. He LIKES talking about feelings and throwing feelings out there and being emotionally open and emotionally grandiose.

That said in this case he is getting super mixed messages. YOU ARE MY MIXED MESSAGE BUDDY. "I don't know if what I feel is romance?" "A-and if that's the case that's okay" "OH GOOD /Puts Alma in mouth". MIXED MESSAGES, YUU, mostly of course because Yuu's own feelings are obviously mixed and he's acting on them. All of them. In their mixed up glory. (I love it).

He's trying not to be forceful while at the same time he enjoys taking the iniative and Kanda seems to enjoy that too yet also he doesn't want Kanda to feel like he's strongarming things to go a certain way yet he is also really bad at sitting back and waiting when there are FEELINGS TO ACHIEVE. So Alma too is sort of winging it a lot.

ON A RELATED NOTE he actually tends to assume the Kandas separate "Alma" and "that woman", mostly because he's afraid of that. I mean, of course he's afraid of that -- he was miserable and awful all over when trying to make Kanda kill him because he was trying to achieve a result he didn't want -- both making Kanda Kill him and making Kanda separate the two of them in his head. It's just that he didn't think there was a better solution! He was terrified that if Kanda realized they were the same person he'd get rejected completely because he assumed Kanda would reject her too.

Knowing that Kanda didn't do that didn't make the fear go away so much as convert into something else -- he's scared that having accepted them both, Kanda will keep them separate anyway and react to them as if they're two different people. While a totally reasonable approach, for Alma it's a fear because to himself, they're one person. He doesn't separate her and himself as two different "people"; at most he separates themas two different sets of experience which ran back to back. As far as people and persons and personality goes, she is him and he is her, and his differences in behavior and modes of thought are, to him, just because of the experiences he lived as Alma and with amnesia, just a personality development through events in his life. If he didn't think that way, trying to have Kanda kill Alma so that "that woman" would always be important would never be "keeping Yuu forever" to Alma; in order for it to be a way to keep Kanda, instead of losing him to her, Alma has to genuinely identify as her. The separation isn't something he really wants, it's something that makes him miserable, but it's what he thought was the only thing left. So the fact that it's a fear stays with him in terms of thinking that the Kandas don't really understand that he's not a separate person with the same memories of being that woman that Kanda vaguely recalls, but that that person isn't separate, that their life is the same and their brain is the same and her soul is his soul too. Just as "I can die so he keeps loving me because he doesn't know or believe that I'm me" was a thought, the same core exists in "He loves me, but he doesn't really believe that I'm me".

Which is more a fear than a reality! He has accused Guillotine of not getting it a few times and had it rebuffed, but he doesn't believe Guillotine's "I know you're the same". He just doesn't buy it! Because he's afraid to buy it and then be proven wrong. So Alma is actually not looking too hard into the mixed messages because he's scared of what he'll see, which is part of why he's not actually calling Kanda on it or addressing it -- he alternates generally between backing away from the painful fears and sort of bull-charging right into them, so that may well switch up, but there is that atm.

Tell me about Kanda's feelings about the recent thing with Lenalee!

HE HAS NO IDEA WHAT TO FREAKING MAKE OF YOU. He's not sure if you're totally delusional or just having fun leading him on but he's pretty sure you're totally delusional and a moron. "WHY AM I TALKING TO THIS GUY". "OH GOD THOUGH IF I STOP AND DON'T GET THIS THROUGH TO HIM HE'LL PROBABLY DIE AND THAT WOULD BE TERRIBLE" "Seriously though how did he live to be even THAT old"

Back at you!

HEY HARUTO HEY

Alma likes Haruto a lot! He finds him easy to talk to, and they have enough similarities on things one would not expect to find similarities in that it's sort of relief to be able to talk to someone who Gets It. IT IS HARD TO PUT A LOT OF DETAIL HERE because it can mostly be summed up as "Likes him, gets him more or less, and it's nice to have another self-acknowledgingly selfish person with a brainspace spent on a past life that you strongly identify with". Plus, Haruto is fun! And gives Alma's mind a workout. More or less he just likes him and would seek him out a bunch.

BACK AT YOU?

YEAH Kanda does know that they're the same person, and there's not really an active separation. It's just that his memories are so much more incomplete, so while he's aware of probably differences between her/his idealization of her and Alma, he can't really see the similarities. And that makes it very hard to completely equate Alma and That Person.

But the underlying romantic he feels is definitely towards Alma when it comes up, and it's not him necessarily remembering her. Because different things reminds him of her and Alma, so while it's kind of lingering from what they had in their first lives/the love he feels for That Person, it's not necessarily a direct association. WHICH IS WHY IT'S CONFUSING BECAUSE IF HIS FEELINGS WERE THE SAME THAT WOULD BE MUCH MORE PROMINENT.

AS FOR LENALEE he doesn't even know. That was awkward, and while they kinda settled their fight and all that he's not sure what he's supposed to do in the future? Because he is confused with Alma so there's nothing more he can say than what she already knows, and he can't bring himself to talk to her about that confusion because he's never talked to Lenalee about his feelings before! And she still doesn't know of their shared past past.

But he's also really awkward with affection and private so he can't just--stop caring if other people are watching him touch and hold Alma in a way that he's never really done in his second life. Because they'll stare and notice and point it out! He knows this! Lenalee just did that! And Kanda doesn't want all of this attention and questions brought to him about it.

ON THE SUBJECT OF UST does Alma have any overt sexual urges to Kanda like Guil, or does Kanda's lack of interest kind of kill his interest and he focused on other things?

Haruto is honestly a bit "seriously!?" about Alma, because like. YEAH WHEN DO YOU EVER EXPECT TO HAVE THAT IN COMMON WITH SOMEONE!? Especially since it came up completely by chance in their first conversation and he kind of talked around it but acknowledged it, and it's... very weird!? But it's a nice comfortable feeling, to just be able to say whatever and know that THAT GUY gets it. In canon he TRIES to spill his guts about his backstory to Anis and she is very :| haruto who cares about the past at him and that seriously irritated him, that she just wrote it off, so someone identifying with where he's coming from is VERY NICE. And yes, he's fun to talk to, that Alma can't quite keep up with his puns but tries is v. entertaining. There's interest and comfort, and a FORMING emotional connection, but it's haruto and connecting to people is not really something he's great at, but out of everyone in Thusia, Alma is really edging into the zone of friends, rather than just friendly with.

Would Alma ever join up with any of the gods?

Edited 2012-03-07 00:16 (UTC)

Yeah it's more a fear that circles around "EVEN IF YOU KNOW YOU DON'T GET IIIIIT" which is not really fair of Alma at all. Sob :'D

Cry haha yeah NOPE KANDA IS RIGHT ABOUT THAT.

Alma is definitely both in love and attracted to Kanda! He wouldn't be kissing Kanda if he didn't find him sexually attractive and interesting, basically. If he had a total lack of interest from Kanda, he would stop acting on it and just be FRIENDSHIP IS GREAT FRIENDSHIP ROCKS but since Kanda is more or less giving him really strong "interested just unsure??" vibes he can't really dampen his own interest. It's why he's trying so hard to be more passive than he's actually good at, because he doesn't want to strongarm Kanda into something Kanda isn't sure he wants to do, and that's not just romance, it's sexuality. But he really enjoys kissing Kanda, and cuddling him is both nice just to hold him and a bit of a guilty pleasure because /// ahh I'm touching him I love him I want him. When he was cuddling on top of Kanda and went red and tried to pull back and tone it down after nip-kissing his neck, it's because the noise Kanda made was a real turn-on, and there'd been some strong neck-mauling with Guil so he's quite aware of it as an errogenous zone. BASICALLY AS WITH ANY CRUSH he's really really really sexually tense around Kanda yeah. He's just trying to play it cool and not make Kanda feel rushed while he's all confused.

Does Kanda suspect how far things have gone with Guil or is it a strict AND THEN I WILL NEVER THINK OF IT territory?

HE DOESN'T THINK ABOUT IT and so hasn't really considered how far they've gone. He figures, seeing the passionate couch make-outs, that it's farther than him! He wouldn't have started developing that jealousy if he hadn't thought Guil was getting places he wasn't. But he hasn't figured that they've gone as far as, say, sex, which is partially his own repression and partially not thinking about it.

~~Tell me 5 things Alma wants to do with either/both Kandas! That he hasn't already.~~

ACTUALLY I'M GONNA CHANGE MY QUESTION unless you particularly want to answer that one in which I accept more indulgences to my nosy behavior.

But what are 3 similarities and 3 differences between Kanda and Guil (as themselves, with Alma, with other people, etc) that you find particularly interesting?

Or less than three if you can't come up with that many. :|a

Edited 2012-03-07 08:04 (UTC)

YOU ARE TRULY AN OPEN AND SHARING COUPLE...

Oh gosh in general ummmm. PLANNING IS HARD. I want to do more nature explore threads because the ones I've got to do have been really fun. HARRASS HIS CR MORE and make more CR. neither of these are really super cool ideas so much as THINGS TO DO though.

I doubt heart games will ever become a thing unless we get a god that does them but I might be preparing an Alma heart game anyway because I love heart games too much.

I MIGHT APP AGAIN TOO but I can't decide if I want to. I want to bring Yoi-te over but I feel too bad about killing him. A LOT OF UNCERTAINTY.

Speaking of, any app plans?

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Page 1 of 3

Question Meme: Return of the Question Meme

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject