Question Meme: Return of the Question Meme

[imaginemeandyuu]

LOOKS LIKE IT IS TIME FOR A QUESTION MEME AGAIN

for Alma and, if you want, Ur'ghaste /o/ Or just me as a RPer. Whatever I'm easy.

(Goin' to lunch, will start answering when I'm back)

Comments

[outofthemud]

Whatever like he actually has any dignity anyway.

TO A KID OR ROLLED BACK TO FEMALMA?

[imaginemeandyuu]

I MEANT A KID but I'd ask the fem!Alma question after so if you want to answer both that works :3

[outofthemud]

BITTY ALMA.

First off watch over him like an over-protective older brother becuase Alma was NAIVE AND IMPRESSIONABLE at the time and there are not nice people here. Um. Maybe take him outside, let him read his books, get him more junk food. Pat his head and pick on him. SOMETHING LIKE THAT??

ALMA'S GENERAL MENTAL STATE NOW.

[imaginemeandyuu]

KANDA SO CUTE that would be adorable.

It's kind of a hilarious picture book in extremes. Because on the one hand, he's happy! He's discovering some genuine capacity for happiness. He's a bit intimidated to think of himself as "happy" and if he's being honest it's more "moments of happiness rising out of a sea of anger and resentment and grief" but moments of happiness are still kind of a big deal. And he's enjoying that.

Simultaneously he still kind of wishes he just didn't exist and wasn't alive again. He feels bad for that! And determined not to DO anything about it, because he's determined to change things and this time stop acting so much ON Kanda, even if he's bad at it. But the desire to escape his guilt and grief, while also feeling like he doesn't deserve an escape, won't go away.

And over top of all that he's finally reached the point where he is really, really secretly overwhelmed. He's emotionally exhausted, but he doesn't know how to handle that, so he keeps trucking on even though he is kind of getting to the point where he wants to crawl back into the futon and stay there and avoid people for a bit. Basically, I think I mentioned before that he really doesn't know how to handle meeting a lot of people who are his equals and being free and so on, and he WANTS these things so he's just throwing himself out there and doing his best anyway. But not knowing how to handle it and doing it anyway is having an emotional toll, and there have been a LOT of big emotional changes and revelations and events in the last few days, and while they're all good and he'd never take them back, they're big and exhausting and he kind of wants to have a really really thorough cry to just vent his emotional exhaustion but he also doesn't want to seem like he regrets any of the recent emotional events.

SO he's a bit strung out and forcing himself into mania to try to get through the exhaustion (even though that'll probably cause a bigger crash after).

ACTUALLY BACK AT YOU. Really generally how is life for Kanda right now.

[outofthemud]

CONFUSING ALMA FEELINGS ASIDE Kanda is...really genuinely happy right now. Like. Happier than he's been his entire second life. It's not overt like Alma, but there's a constant buzz of contentment, he's smiling easier, he's calmer again, etc. Because the dying and brought to life to be used again KILLED THAT HORRIBLY but then he got Alma and that's all he's ever really wanted in life so he... Can't complain about it anymore? LIKE he still has inherent issues with bringing people back from the dead, but he can't really bring himself to be bitter about it anymore, really, becuase he got THE ONE THING THAT HE WANTED MORE THAN ANYTHING.

There's also from his conversations with Alma (esp the last one) that the reality of the war and what was going on in their world not mattering anymore sinking past his denial. And he has to accept he has no *duty* as an Exorcist and his and his title doesn't matter and it's pointless to hold onto it. WHICH AS I'VE SAID KANDA HAS NO SENSE OF PERSONAL SELF WORTH so he'll be translating his worth into an Exorcist into his worth cleaning/rebuilding the world, providing for their apartment, and even more into being worth the love from Alma. WHICH since that's splitting three different ways he's not going to unhealthily nosedive into one.

EDIT: but speaking of unhealthy nosedives he is becoming INCREASINGLY, RAPIDLY DEPENDENT ON ALMA. Like, it's one thing to be back home in the war and his duty and having never really had Alma and know you're losing him forever anyway and letting go and being at peace with what you did have. It's another to have that thing you've pined for and is still a constant on your mind RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU ALL THE TIME. There's no actual need to move on, and Kanda doesn't think ahead of what losing him would be like because THAT IS A TERRIFYING THOUGHT. So he pushes it away because it scares him and never considers that, you know, he might need some way to stay stable if it happens.

So he is pretty much embracing his dependency as "this is what I want" and fuck any risks to his mental health if something happens (both because of how passionate he is about his feelings and how he has no self-worth outside of what other people define him so BEING WITHOUT ALMA AND HIS LOVE WOULD BE HOLLOWING WHY WOULD HE WANT THAT THAT'S NOT HAPPY).

So originally Guil was mixed message buddy and Kanda was feelings stable AND NOW THEY'VE SWITCHED. what does Alma think about that/the nuances between his perceived reasons for them.